The Long and Lonely Nights
by Roofran411
Summary: Marke has lost his wife his child and his father.He is finding his grief difficult to bear, his inheritance almost as great a burden.


The Long and Lonely Nights

08 March 2013

THE LONG AND L ONELY NIGHTS

Some believe that Marke, King of Cornwall, actually lived, in the Dark Ages: indeed there is some evidence for this.

Legend says that Isolde, his wife and Tristan, his nephew, betrayed him.

Some also believe that to be true.

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.~~*~~

_Tristan + Isolde_ is the film of that legend.

In the film, **Marke** is played by **Rufus Sewell.**

It is his face that I see and his voice that I hear when writing Marke's story

I see Bradley James (Arthur, BBC's_ Merlin_) as** Mordred**

Michelle Dockery ( _Downton Abbey and Restless_) as **Guinevere**

Miranda Richardson {when young .. ) as **Morgause**.

Adelaide Clemens ( _Parade's End_) as **Viviane**

and

Michelle Ryan (Morgan, BBC's_ Merlin_) as the **Unknown Lady.**

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. ~~*~~

Some of the details about Mordred come from Mary Stewart's_ 'The Wicked Day'. _I have taken them and used them to fit my story.

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I have given this story an **M **rating for a little steaminess and some adult content.

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~~~~~*~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~*~~~~~  
,

The song I have chosen is **Hall of Fame** by**the Script**

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**Hall of Fame.** By The Script.

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Yeah, You can the greatest

You can be the best

You can be the Kingkong

Banging on the chest.

You can beat the world

You can beat the war

You could talk to God, go banging on the door.

You can throw your hands up

You can beat the clock

You can move a mountain

You can break a rock

You can be a master

Don't wait for luck

Dedicate yourself and you can find yourself

Standing in the hall of fame

And the world is gonna to know your name.

'Cause you burn with the brightest flame.

And the world is gonna to know your name

And you'll be on the walls of the hall of fame.

.You can go the distance

You could run the mile

You could walk straight through hell with a smile.

Do it for your people

Do it for your pride.

Never gonna know

If you never even try.

Do it for your country

Do it for your name.

'Cause there is gonna be a day.

When you are standing in the hall of fame

And the world is gonna know your name

'Cause you burn with the brightest flame.

And the world's gonna know your name

And you'll be on the wall of the hall of fame.

Be a champion. Be a champion, be a champion, be a champion.

On the walls of fame.

.

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Geographic Glossary

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A Guide to Marke's World.

Kernow ...Cornwall The Scilly Isles, and the peninsula from Lands End to the river Tamar

Dyfnaint ...Devon... From the Tamar to the wetlands of Somerset (Camelot)

The isles Beyond ...Scilly Isles

Breidzh ...Brittany

Isca in Dyfnaint ...Exeter

Isca in Cymru ...Caerleon.

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Arthur's Britain... from the Wetlands of the Summerland and Offa's Dyke borders with Cymru to the East coast

from the Narrow Seas in the south to Northumbria in the North. (In this area were petty 'kings' who have sworn fealty to Arthur as High King as did Marke.)

.

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**The House of Pendragon**

**.**

Aurelius. Brother to Uther.

High King High King

Merlin. Rhiannon. Morgause . Arthur. Morgan.

Gwennith. Marke. Mordred.

Melor. Tristan.

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THE LONG AND LONELY NIGHTS

.

The opened package lay on the table between us, the dark cream of the linen crumpled and twisted around the gold and scarlet of the brooch.

The red dragon glimmered in the candlelight.

His badge. The symbol of his house, of his father's, of Arthur's, and my mother's.

Pendragon.

It is yours" he said." it is your destiny."

"But ii is yours."

"I no longer have need for it.

"Then it is Arthur's."

"No." he said softly, "It is not for Arthur. He is Uther's son. Your grandfather, my father, gave it to me. You have his blood. I give it to you. It is yours. "

I left it where it lay on its wrapping.

"Marke. There is much to be said before I go. "

He paused.

"I have told Viviane that when I am gone, Applegarth will be hers; my scrolls, books, everything there. This, I have told Arthur already but you are my nearest kin. You will not object? "

Applegarth?

_To Viviane_... The cause of his death?

As if he read my mind, " Viviane will not be the cause of my death; Viviane is only the sign that it is nigh. There are others ..."

He shrugged.

Applegarth was the house on the outskirts of Camelot that he had built for himself ; that was him , the very essence of him : his tools, his harp, the still room, the chair at the window overlooking his flower garden: the herb garden, the kitchen garden, the orchards... The peace ...the calm...

Applegarth.

There was a lurch of pain in my breast.

Then my mind, that _he_ had taught to use with logic, said if he is not there, it is merely a house.

I flicked my hand in a gesture of dismissal.

"It is yours. It shall be as you wish."

He paused again.

"They will come..." he said again. "Take what they offer."

"_Who__? What?_ "I asked.

He gestured, a wave of his hands, so familiar to me. I never knew whether it meant that he did not know or that he would not tell.

He spoke again.

"There will come times when you will need someone to talk to. Someone you can trust...

Whatever you may feel now, you may trust Viviane."

Another long pause.

Then slowly he said, "There will come a time too... know you this. When everything is against him ... Whatever is said, whatever you may hear ...you may trust Mordred at your back."

He sighed, a long shuddering sigh.

"The Gods know he will need you at his."

.

_"You may trust Mordred." he said. _

Why should I _not_ trust Mordred?

Mordred was our cousin and Arthur's bastard son by his sister Morgause.

Mordred, born of treachery and deception.

Morgause, the witch, who failed to gain power over her father, had tried and failed with Merlin. She had knowingly seduced the bright new shining star who was her brother, and had married 'black' Lot of Orkney fleeing with him to his Kingdom away from Arthur's wrath.

.

Morgause first hid the child, then later took him from his foster mother and raised him with her four dark haired, dark eyed boys, a bright haired blue eyed cuckoo in the nest.

He did not get on with his half brothers. Morgause, being Morgause, played her sons against each other.

When Lot died, Morgause gambled and brought her boys to Camelot.

She lost; for Arthur had taken the boys from her and had imprisoned her on the outskirts of his Kingdom. Later, he had relented somewhat, and he allowed them to see her at times.

Mordred was aware of the circumstances of his birth from when he was very young.

His mother had told him.

Her version.

In the Orkneys, on the edge of the world, the Old Ones were still worshipped, and incest was thought little of, for it was only with the coming of the Christos' followers that it became forbidden.

The reaction of Arthur and his court, that of disgust and distaste, came as a horrifying series of blows to the child of that union, and though Arthur came to love Mordred, the damage was done.

Mordred always loved and worshipped his father but he both loved and feared his mother.

.

Mordred is told, today, as being dark, dark haired, dark eyed.

Dark of looks, and of spirit.

It was not so.

He, like Morgause and Arthur, had the brightest golden hair and deep blue eyes. Fair skinned, tall and broad, he had gaiety and charm.

How could he not?

He was Arthur's son; but he also had deep hurts which would never be healed.

Mordred was my cousin and my friend.

We met at my knighting when I was fourteen and he fifteen. We became close immediately.

We practiced our sword craft and our tilting together, we rode, hunted, studied, and laughed into the night.

In our youth, he came often to stay at Castle D'Or. Sharing my chamber, we talked smut, and told dirty jokes. After we had lost our virginity, we would lie abed, letting the cider slide down our throats, discussing and bragging about our conquests till we were helpless with tipsy laughter.

One such night, when we were sixteen or so, more than half drunk on the roughest of scrumpy that we had thieved from the kitchen, the laughter slowly moved on and quiet questions and confidences seeped instead.

He asked, "Did you ever meet my mother?" and I, in an alcoholic haze, was less tactful than perhaps I should have been.

I replied, " Yes, she was beautiful, but by Christos! She terrified me."

A long pause.

Softly, "Me too."

Another long silence.

Softly again, he said "Why?"

Even less tactfully, I let it slur out.

"She uhh ... you know... Came on me ...wanted to do it ... Her'n me ..."

An even longer pause and it began to occur to me through my stupor that I should have kept my mouth shut.

He said, barely above a whisper, "Me too."

It took a minute to sink in.

"Jesu! ... You sure? "

"How not? She kissed me, tongue kissed, she fondled my ...pizzle."

"Jesu!"

I was beginning to sober up.

"What did you do?"

He gave a little hiccup of contemptuous laughter.

"I ran. She laughed. I could hear her laughing as I ran.

I was crying, so I didn't see.

I ran straight into the Queen. She took me into her chamber. She wiped my face and gave me some wine and asked what was wrong."

"Did you tell her?"

He shook his head.

"She kissed me, ... on the cheek and the mouth."

"Christos, Mordred! Out of the bloody cooking pot into the sodding fire."

We lay silently for a long while each with our own thoughts, and just as I was drifting off, I heard him whisper, "I love her."

Drowsily I said "Your mother?"

"Bloody fool."

Neither of us spoke of it again.

Yes, I would trust Mordred with my life.

As I think that he would me.

.

,

" Come " Merlin said." The sun is rising. Walk with me. The morning air will do us good. "

We had talked through the night. The girl was curled up asleep in the corner of the chamber.

We left the keep. I let him lead me wherever he wanted to go. We went through the courtyard and passed under the Gatehouse and crossed the great drawbridge. This had had not much damage done to it, though we could still smell the faint smell of burnt wood and stone.

We passed through meadows with their fallen stone walls

"Plenty of dressed stone. Was it not a Roman settlement here?"

"Mmm. This part was the fortress. There beyond, amongst the hazel trees, you may see the remains of the Commander's villa."

"It stretches quite a way. Mmm. Good foundations. "

He took a few steps turning to survey the surroundings.

"And the south side, the cliffs and the sea. The river there to the west ...Mmm."

As if he did not know it as well as I.

He had been coming here to Castle D'Or since I was nine. He had been over every inch of it with my father and with me, each time, walking, riding, taking everything in.

Everything stored in his mind, should he need it.

"You know, Marke, when you rebuild, you must build in stone. Like Camelot. Maybe not so big; you have not the need for such.

The foundations and the stone are here already, and Aqua Sulis is in easy reach to provide more."

It was the first time he had mentioned that I had not made any attempt to rebuild Castle D'Or.

Rebukes and reprimands are not Merlin's way.

A flicker of love for him, and laughter too, rose in me. His ways are more devious.

"Use the base of the fortress walls as the foundations of your outer walls."

"Stay! Stay Merlin, and you may build whatever you like, wherever you like."

He put his hand on my shoulder and shook his head

"I have no choice."

"You knew!" it burst from me. "You have always known what would be. Could you not have turned from her? "

He looked steadily at me.

"Could you have turned from Drawenna?"

Gently spoken, it was like a knife in me.

"I do not say it to hurt you, boy. I say it so you may understand. I could no more turn from Viviane than you from Drawenna. There is a time for everything in a man's life. This is mine.

"Come," he went on. "Walk with me to the villa."

We reached the ruins, now so over- run that they were partially hidden amongst the trees, and shrubs, ivy and convolvuli, with vetch and dog-roses scrambled over them, lending them an eerie beauty and charm.

Again he stood and looked around him.

"Did you not tell me once, that there was a tunnel from here to the castle?"

"Mmm. Yes... I found it when I was quite young. Six or seven. It led into the cellars of the keep, its portal concealed behind stone slabs and the cider barrels. I would think that it has fallen through by now."

"Who else knows?"

I shrugged.

"I told no-one and no -one has ever said aught to me."

"You did not tell your father?"

"What? And get a cane to my arse? This place was forbidden to me."

We turned about us again, looking at the glade.

Suddenly he shivered and wrapped his arms around himself.

"Do you still know the entrance, here?"  
"I would think that I could find it."

"Let it be forgot. I do not like this place" he said. "for all its ruined beauty."

As he turned to leave and I with him, I saw his face; he had paled.

Suddenly there was the sound of voices, the thud of horses' hooves and the rustling of bushes

Two ponies burst into the clearing and two young boys slid from them and hurled themselves at me.

Melor and Tristan, Gwennith's sons.

Melor the elder, a sturdy boy , with mouse coloured hair and mid brown eyes; clever enough, he worked conscientiously and hard at every task set to him, but he was the shadow of his brother in every way.

Tristan, the golden haired one, had deep brown eyes, he was as tall but more slender than his brother. Good at his lessons but there the difference lay. He had no need to work. Everything came easy to Tristan.

I loved them both dearly but Tristan, with his brightness, fun and charm was first in my heart.

"My lord Uncle, you did not say you were riding today. We would have come."

"I did not ride, I walked."

"Walked!" The horror in their voices was laughable.

"Yes! Walked! But you forget your manners."

They turned. "Prince Merlin!"

They bowed and rushed at him to hug him.

He held them to him, stroking their hair, and smiling as the chatter poured from them. As I watched, I saw him straighten, his eyes close and the colour drain further from his face.

"What is it, Merlin?"

"My Lord... " The boys' tutor and their guard rode into the clearing and dismounted. "I am sorry, my Lord. They escaped us. They are growing so daring."

I held up my hand to silence him.

"No matter."

I was watching Merlin still.

"Take them and ride on. Go lads! Prince Merlin and I have not yet finished. I will ride with you tomorrow morn. "

"Wait!"

Merlin held them still. He addressed their tutor.

"Come you here often?"

"No, my lord Prince.'Tis the first time."

"Twould be wise if you did not allow them to come again.'Tis not safe for them. The remains of the villa could be dangerous... "

He spoke to the tutor and their guard but now, I was watching the brothers. I saw them exchange looks and I knew that whatever their tutor or guard thought, they had been here before, more than once.

My eyes went again to Merlin.

From the time we had entered the glade, the Sight had held him; the shivers, the pallor, the shuddering breaths. He had 'seen' something.

Danger to the boys?

I would speak to them later. Him too, though I was certain that I would get nothing from him.

.

We walked back slowly, bearing eastwards; he was sizing everything up; observing.

"Yes, yes" he said, not talking to me but to himself.

"The plain and the river to the west: the cliffs to the east: the sea sweeping around to the south. Use stone and it will be impregnable."

"Yes, I will make notes and draw up some plans for you. And measurements and calculations for your engineers."

I smiled to myself; he had taken it for granted that I would rebuild in stone.

Well yes, I suppose I would.

Why not? I had nothing else to occupy myself except to take myself to Erin and put every Goddamned Irishman to the sword.

No, I would not do that.

Drawenna would not want that.

.

Three days more.

Three days he spent with my mother, her face already thin and ashen with my father's loss.

Three long nights, talking with me, writing, drawing..

Three days and he was gone.

I stood at the foot of the great steps to the Keep, watching him check everything.

The girl moved past me to climb onto her pony. Her copper hair framing her pretty pansy face with its violet eyes.

Her knowing eyes, witches' eyes.

I caught her wrist roughly.

"If he comes to harm at your hand, I swear by the Christos, I will hunt you down and kill you."

She jerked her hand from mine, rubbing her wrist, "He will meet no harm at my hand."

Then he was beside me.

"Marke, the poison is already in me." he murmured. "Not through Viviane. You know that I have enemies; those who use blacker arts."

"You will remember all I have said?" his voice was urgent. "Marke...? Marke! You and Arthur, I have loved more than if you were of my own getting.

His hands on my shoulders, he gave me the double kiss of kinship and I cupped my hands to lift him into the saddle.

I watched as they turned and rode across the courtyard and out over the draw bridge.

.

As I mounted the Keep's steps, my Seneschal Steffan came down to join me.

"Prince Merlin...he left much in his chamber. Do you wish them to be left there or where do you wish them to be put?"

I sighed.

"I will come."

Scrolls and books of his making; clay tablets with drawings and the promised measurements and calculations, the plans for the rebuilding of Castle D'Or, piled high on the table.

How well he knew me.

"The scrolls to the book chests in my father's room, the tablets to the engineers."

Steffan instructed the menservants to move them,

I turned away.

"My lord ? And this?"

The packet lay on the table, partly hidden.

I looked at it and picked it up and took it with me.

In my chamber, I put it down on the window sill and resting on my knuckles, stood staring out at the courtyard below.

I did not see the ruined walls, the burned buildings, nor the troopers, some sitting aimlessly, some more conscientious, searching for tasks to occupy themselves.

I saw myself, at fourteen, newly knighted, head full of dreams, dreams of glory, of being one of Arthur's Companions, of riding with him... of protecting the weak... of Righting Wrong..

I saw my father and Maelor, smiling gently and my father saying gruffly, that there was enough to do in Kernow.

I remembered Merlin with his hand on my hair."Yes, boy, you _will _ride with Arthur and yes, there _will_ be glory; but it is _here_, here in Kernow, that your destiny lies. "

Yes! I did ride with Arthur, and those other things came to me but what did they give me.

Blood and death and loved ones lost. My nut brown girl and our dark eyed child gone.

"Are you not tired of feeling sorry for yourself?" Drawenna said caustically in my ear."All this guff! Righting wrong and protecting the weak. By all means but you do not need to ride to Camelot for that. What about those down there? Your own people waiting for you."

"Drawenna." it ripped from my mouth and I swung around. The chamber was empty. I leapt across it and flung open the door.

No-one.

What did I expect?

I had put her and our son, together with my father and Maelor on the funeral pyre myself and watched the fire burn throughout that long, long night, those lonely empty months ago.

I walked back to the window.

Fainter, I heard her, "First, right what is wrong here. And then protect our people."

I stared down.

T here was a young trooper making the effort to make others shift.

I straightened and, unwrapping my parcel, pinned Merlin's badge on my shoulder.

From then on, I wore it always, together with my father's badge, the black horse of Kernow.

I turned on my heel and went down.

As I appeared at the top of the steps, some of them straightened, some still sat listlessly.

The young trooper shouted " 'tention!" and they all moved smartly.

At least there was still some discipline.

Half way down, I stopped.

Hands on hips, I turned slowly, surveying my surroundings.

"There will be an inspection of the troops here, in half an hour, followed by an inspection of the guardrooms, the stables, the armoury and the quarters."

I turned again.

"You there!" I spoke to the trooper. "You! What's your name?"

"Tramor, my lord."

"Tramor, I want my chief engineers, masons and carpenters in the hall waiting, when I have finished the inspections." I climbed the steps again "Oh! the smiths too. And tell someone to bring Merlin's tablets"

.

I talked and listened and discussed with them while we examined Merlin's plans. As would be expected there was to be no fault found with them.

Over the next months, I walked and rode over Castle D'Or, then moved further out over Kernow, with my captains, discussing with them and my people what I intended to put in place.

We started by re-building the necessary parts of Castle D'Or. We built beacons along the north and south coasts of Kernow, and organised a warning system in each of the village .

I walked, I rode. I talked and I listened, always listening, as Merlin taught me, to what they thought.

When the seasons began to change, I went into the fields and harvested our crops with my people. I drove myself but come the nights, I sat alone in my chamber in the dark.

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~~~*~~~.

With the start of the winter, I received a message from the Earl of Isca in Dyfnaint.

He was requesting that the lords of Dyfnaint, and myself as Duke of Kernow to come to a meeting at his castle of Isca to discuss the continuing raids on the western peninsula by the Irish and those of the Saxons on the South Eastern coast.

The lords of Dyfnaint have always quarrelled amongst themselves. I had no wish to get myself caught up in their bickering but I went anyway.

I had pushed myself and my men hard to get there and after supper, I retired early.

As the most senior of the lords there, I had the privilege of my own chamber.

I had dismissed my body servant earlier; I threw my coat onto the chair, poured myself a cup of wine and stood staring down into the fire.

I caught a flicker of movement in the corner of my eye, and I swung around.

A girl sat in the bed clutching the fur covers to her naked breasts.

I looked at her for a moment and then I said rather stupidly,"What do you want?"

"My Lord Duke... my Lord Lamorne ... sent me ...for your pleasure ...

"Get out "This was softly said.

"My Lord? Is it that I do not please you? Lord Lamorne ..."

"Do you not understand? I do not want a woman. Get out!"

The anger was rough in my voice.

She had not moved.

"Get out" I roared. She reached for her clothes and holding them to her, fled sobbing, but I felt no remorse only a chill, violent rage.

At the breakfast table, Lamorne smiled slyly.

"The girl I sent you, was she not to your taste? I have not tried her myself but I have been assured that she is _most_ accomplished."

I looked coldly at him.

"If I want a woman, I can get one myself." My voice was harsh and frigid.

Taken aback, he said, "I intended no offence."  
"None taken." But my tone was still cold.

.

We sat around the table for the next three days.

I said very little but listened to the petty squabbling and bickering .Watching each face as they boasted and bragged of their superiority in the fields of battle, of how they would drive the Irish or the Saxons from their lands. They would muster a fleet and sail to Erin ... or Saxony ...or Gaul

Sweet Christos, give me patience with these fools.

I sat there.

There was so much to be done at Castle D'Or. I began to wonder how soon I could make my excuses when Lord Pellam cleared his throat to speak.

Pellam was an old friend of my father. Old and wise.

"The young Lord of Kernow is quiet. What have you to say, Marke? Do you agree?"

"Of course, he does! Yes! He is with us."

"Marke?"

I paused.

"No! I think... "I was interrupted by the noise that broke out. Pellam held up his hand.

"Let us hear the boy."

"We must put our homes right first and improve our defences and treat with..."

I stopped, my voice drowned by the roars.

I started again.

"We cannot go on as we are. We must protect our people, our fields, sow our crops or they will starve. We cannot keep riding out against raiders. We must treat for terms ..."

Again the noise stopped me.

"Kernow's boy afraid of a fight?"

"Constantine must be turning..."

"...yellow."

My temper rose; I stood, thrusting back my chair so violently that it crashed behind me. Then someone, Brychain I think, said "You shame your father."

Into the breath-held silence, I spoke, in a soft taut shaking voice.

"My father is dead. And my wife ...and child ...and my sister's man.

I have fought beside my father and for the King since I was fourteen.

My father and Maelor died at my side with seventy of Kernow's men, in the field, men that I knew: under Arthur's command.

I returned home to find my wife and child and more of my people dead, my home burned at raiders' hands.

Can any other man here say the same?

Does any other man wish to call me coward? He will have my sword rammed down his throat."

Lamorne touched my arm.

"Sit down, lad."

Someone rushed to right my chair and I sat, rigid with fury.

"Tell us, Marke." it was Pellam, "Give us your views."

A cup of cider was pushed in front of me.

I gathered my thoughts.

"Firstly, those who have need to do so, should repair their defences before the weather get bad. Build beacons and warning systems along your coasts. This, I have already started along Kernow's cliffs. Strengthen and train your people but all the while, treat with the Irish, the Saxons. Hold them back. Sow your crops; raise your cattle so that your people have food in their bellies, come next winter. Then, we should band together."

I took a spill out of the box on the table. "One alone ..." I snapped the spill in two,"but together..." I picked up the bundle and showed them," they will not break."

I left in the morning.

.

The winter solstice came and went.

When the weather began to show signs of easing, a band of lords came to Castle D'Or.

Lamorne of Isca, Pellam of Tyndsfield, Dagonet of Waroxal, amongst them.

"My lord Duke" Lamorne began. "We, the lords of Dyfnaint have given much thought to what you said at Isca, before the solstice. We all agree that what you have said is right. Together we stand, divided we fall... "

He hesitated. "We have all agreed ... We speak for all the lords of Dyfnaint. We ask you to join us..."

"Name of Mithras, Lamorne! All this shilly-shallying." Pellam burst out. "We think Dyfnaint and Kernow should band together with you as our leader."

Quietly, he went on, "We give our allegiance to you and ask you to be our King."

.

_"They will come. Take what they offer."_

Merlin's words. Years ago in Camelot and, again last year here in Castle D'Or.

_"A crown."_

There was much to be thought of, more to be discussedbut I knew he had seen it.

_"It is your destiny." _

.

At one and twenty, I was King.

King of Kernow and the lands east of it, to the boundaries of Camelot and Wessex. And north, of the isles of the Severn Sea: South, of Breizdh and of the Isles Beyond.

Second only to Arthur himself, the High King.

.

And my mother faded. She wanted nothing without my father.

She saw my coronation but we lost her, Gwennith and I.

I rode constantly , across the kingdom to bind the people closer together.

Talking late into the nights with my lords.

A crown is heavy, heavier than I had dreamed.

A great burden, he had said but you have the strength to carry it.

It did not shut out the lonely nights.

The first winter of my reign, those of my lords who had not yet sworn fealty, came to Castle D'Or to pledge their allegiance. Members of their courts came too, to join in the revelry and feastings I gave.

At the last of these, I sat at the top table on the dais with my lords.

Long tables ran length ways from it

The evening was almost at an end. Wine, cider, ale, the drink had flowed but although I had drunk plentifully with my guests, I was far from drunk.

Music had started and some of the tables cleared to make room for those who wanted to dance. The noise of talk and laughter filled my new hall; torches burned on the walls and candles hung from the great iron holders slung from the rafters.

I slouched sideways in my chair, my chin on my fist, half turned to my right, listening to Lord Dagonet: my gaze disinterestedly sweeping the benches, past faces familiar and not. A woman's face caught it and our eyes held. Then mine moved on. Seconds later my glance went back. She was watching me. I held on.

Big eyes in an oval face, creamy skin, her hair covered by a veil. Maybe a year or two older than I.

A lady without doubt : she was high up on the table, above the salt, her gown gleaming velvet, with a glitter of jewels.

I moved on again ...and back; her eyes were still on me. Her red mouth parted a little now, with a glimpse of a pearl tooth between.

A flame leapt up in my belly. A flicker of desire.

I had not had a woman... indeed had not wanted a woman since I lost Drawenna.

Pellam on my left spoke to me and I turned to him. When I turned back, she was gone.

A hard twist in my gut. Disappointment? Perhaps?

I sat for another half hour or so and made my goodnights. With the King departed, his subjects could enjoy themselves more raucously.

I made my way along the passage to my chambers. I could see my guards ahead at the door of the ante chamber; I saw them snap to attention as I came. There was a faint blue in the shadows between the pools of light thrown by the wall torches. It was she. I went on past, into my bed chamber and heard the wooden thump of spear shafts behind me, beating together, barring entry.

I half turned my head and nodded. There was a hiss of steel as spearheads parted and she was behind me.

I took off my crown and then my coat as Tomos, my body servant since I was fourteen, came forward to take them and to hand me a cup of wine. He saw her over my shoulder and his eyes went from her to me. I jerked my head for him to go. The latch of the door clicked behind him.

The chamber was lit only by the single night candle and the fire light.

An armchair, a table with a jug of wine and another cup stood to the side of the fire side. My great bed stood against the far wall, piled high with pillows and fur spreads, its curtains drawn back.

I poured another cup of wine and stood in front of the fireplace. I held it out to her and took a mouthful of my own.

"Well, Lady?"

She looked at me straightly, without any hint of coquetry. She took a sip of her wine and put the cup down.

The wine glistened on her lip in the firelight.

"Rumour has it that Kernow's King is hung like the Stallion on his Standard."

The force of my hardening hit me like a blow.

As my breath left me, I murmured,

"And you wish to know?"

She hooked her finger in my belt

I rested my arm on the lintel of the fireplace, my head in my hand. My eyes did not meet hers

Softer even than I, she said,

"I want Kernow's stallion. But you know that. You want it too. "

"Yes."

My voice was hoarse.

I moved to the door and shot the heavy bar into place.

Pulling my shirt off, I returned to her.

She swept her hair from the back of her neck and turned so that I might unlace her. I pushed her gown off her shoulders and down her creamy back and over the swell of her haunches. She stepped out of the pile of velvet and turned. Her breasts swung with her movement.

Sweet Heaven.

I was consumed with fire.

I jerked my head at her.

"Bed." It was a command and there she went.

She lay, watching me propped on one elbow in the middle of the bed, her creamy skin made all the more arousing against the dark gleam of the furs and the white cross-gartered stockings, she still wore. Slowly she pulled the garters undone and more slowly rolled down her stockings, hardly whiter than the white of her thighs.

I heeled off my boots, and slowly unbuckling my belt, dropped my breeches.

"Like you what you see, my lady."

A soft hiss of intaken breath.

"Of a certainty, rumour did not lie, my King."

We lay, saying nothing. Our faces turned into each other and my mouth, my tongue sought hers, found them waiting, our hands seeking to arouse each other.

The great bed head banged and banged against the wall.

"The whole castle must hear ." There was breathless laughter in her voice.

"Do you care?"

She moaned, " Only if you stop."

"Only if you tell me that is what you want; and perhaps not even then."

"No, no, Mother Goddess , don't stop."

Rampant with desire, I plunged into her again and again and I brought her to cum with me.

And again.

And again

And once more.

.~*~

I awoke.

That sharp alert awakening when everything is clear around you, yet not knowing what woke you.

The night candle had not long juddered out, I could smell the acrid smell of it but the fire was still alight though it was low.

I turned my head to see what had woken me. I saw a dark mass of hair on the pillow beside me and the shape of someone.

I remembered .

My stomach heaved.

I gagged. I swung out of bed and ran stumbling to the gardeloo in the corner, barely reaching it before I threw up again and again till there was nothing left to vomit.

Drawenna.

Drawenna, my love.

How could I have betrayed you?

I retched and retched again.

I rinsed my mouth. I washed my face, cleaned my teeth. I found my clothes and dressed.

The woman in the bed, whoever she was, had not stirred.

I unbarred the chamber door; my guards propped up on their spears, straightened wearily but I was gone, down the passage way ill-lit now by its guttering torches, out of the great Hall onto the great steps to the courtyard.

It was still dark though there was the faintest lightening of the sky.

The fresh new air hit me and I vomited again and again at the foot of the steps . I paused at the well and drank from the bucket and went on to the stables.

Dark Star snickered as I came to him in the dim yellow light of the horn lanterns. I rubbed his nose and whispered to him as I bridled him.

I was saddling him when a voice, close at hand said. "'Ere, wutchur be doin'?"

I looked down at a dirty young face with even dirtier hands rubbing the sleep out of its eyes. An urchin, eight, nine at the most.

"What does it look like?"

"Oi cun do zat, um... Zuh"

"I'm sure you can, but I am doing it."

" 'Ey, yous en't pinchin 'im? Cos if yous pinchin' 'im an' Ole Zeb finds out, id'll be Oi wut gets 'is arse tanned."

"Well, I'm not! Pinching him, that is. And if you've got nothing to do, I spewed in the courtyard. Chuck a bucket of water down and get yourself back to bed. It's early yet."

I'd finished saddling Dark Star and swung up onto him.

"Jesus, da's Dark Star! 'e blongsa 'ur Lord . Ole Zeb'll skin me eloive if you pinch 'im."

I nudged Dark Star into walking out of the stables.

"Tell old Zeb, Marke said he hasn't forgotten how to saddle a horse."

And I kicked Dark Star into taking off.

Someone was awake and alert in the postern gatehouse; at the sound of the clatter of a horse on the cobbles, the postern was opened and Dark Star and I swept through , across the lesser drawbridge and we were out on the cliffs at full stretch; my mind heeding nothing but Drawenna,

Drawenna.

I do not know how long I rode; there had been a thin line of light along the eastern horizon as I left the castle; now the sky was light, filling with streaks of lemon and pink and mauve above the dark blue of the sea.

I tethered Dark Star and stood and watched without seeing; my mind I don't know where, filled with distaste and self loathing.

Infidelity.

The last thing I would have thought myself to fall guilty of.

Unfaithful.

I wanted to vomit again but there was nothing left.

Again, I do not know how long I stood at the cliffs' edge.

There was a soft cough.

I was aware of it without acknowledging it.

It came again, just at my shoulder. I half turned without looking.  
"My Lord King."

"Yes? What is it?" I said wearily.

"My Lord ...The Lady Gwennith sent me. She was... She wishes you to know breakfast will be served soon."

My sister had sent a trooper to search the cliffs, maybe a dozen miles, to tell me of breakfast! It would have been funny, had I felt like laughing.

I turned my head.

Tramor, newly promoted to lieutenant of the Troop of King's Guards.

"Thank you, Tramor, I will come. Soon. "

He did not move.

"You may go." A hint of surprise in my tone.

"Yes, my Lord."

He still did not go.

I raised my eyebrows haughtily at him.

"Yes, My Lord. Uh.. the cliff edge, sir. It is crumbly, and you are very near. If you would ..."

I stared at him in disbelief.

Tramor, a Kernow man, born and bred, like me, would know that Kernow's cliffs do not crumble; they are granite.

I looked down: my feet were indeed very near the edge. Bending only slightly forward, I could see the beach, maybe one hundred feet below.

A sharp intake of breath behind me, his hand came out at the ready and I realised why my sister had sent my troops looking for me.

Of what she, and indeed Tramor, had been afraid.

"Have no fear, Tramor. I do not intend to do anything foolish."

"Yes, Lord"

"You may go."

"Yes, my Lord ...but if you would step away ..."

A moment's pause and I stepped back.

"How did you know where to find me?"

"The boy, the stable lad. He said, the lord took off like a bat out of hell, out of the postern. 'Break 'is bleeding neck, 'e wull." he mimicked the boy's broad Kernow's burr.

"You can only go to the cliffs from the postern. Excuse me, Lord." He took the horn from his belt and blew the one long blast that signals 'all is safe'.

I made my way to where Dark Star was tethered.

"Are you married, Tramor?"

He looked sideways at me.

"Yes Lord."

"She is not at the castle?"

"No, Lord. She lives across the Fowey estuary, Menabilly? with my parents. I support them too. I cannot keep two homes. "

" Hmm. You cannot see her often."

"No, Lord."

I paused. "Do you love her?"

"Yes, Lord."

"How old are you, Tramor?"

"Just past two and twenty, Lord. I was born the same month as you, so my mother tells me."

I waited longer this time.

"Are you faithful?"

He bit his lip.

"I try. Sometimes ...it is difficult..."

I mounted and clicked Dark Star on.

"Bring her to the Castle. I will see that you have a house. Bring your parents too, if needs be."

He had caught up with me, just behind my shoulder now.

"There was a woman ..." I began slowly. "..in my chamber."

"She will be gone, Lord. The Lady Gwennith is seeing to it."

"There is no blame to her."

No blame to her indeed.

"No, Lord."

"Forgive me Lord, no blame to you either. The Lady Drawenna has been gone these two years and more."

He looked as if he had expected a blow; indeed I had raised my hand.

I dropped it.

"And no blame to you, Tramor, for speaking your mind."

There were other women in the years to come.

Not many.

None that lasted more than a night or so. . None at all at Castle D'Or.

But that woman.

I barely remembered her face.

I never knew her name.

But I never forgot her.

. .

.~*~~*~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~*~~*~.


End file.
